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    Smeargle's Comedy Corner

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    Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:16 pm

    Hello! Welcome to Smeargle's Comedy Corner! Here is a place where you can share jokes and funny riddles!
    Now the rules;

    1. Be polite. We don't want some war between who's is better and worse.
    --------------------------------------------------------
    2. If its a question, be sure to put the answer somewhere.
    --------------------------------------------------------
    3. Use good, or at least readable grammar. Also, no all caps (Example: "ZOMG FUNNY JOKE. WHY'D THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?"). To sum it up, don't use; Leet (1337), misspellings (Unless corrected with editing) or all caps (Unless only used once in a sentence.One CAPS word is permitted per sentence, but don't put dots after every word and make the words in caps). More rules may be applied. teh vappy, should he join the forums, is an exception.
    --------------------------------------------------------
    4. I LIKE CHOCOLATE MILK!!!
    --------------------------------------------------------

    And those are all the rules, have fun sharing jokes!


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by harsha on Mon Aug 22, 2011 9:03 pm

    Artist Smeargle wrote: teh vappy, should he join the forums, is an exception.

    Haha. Cool idea though, Smeargle.
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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Tue Aug 23, 2011 5:50 pm

    101 Ways to Annoy People! Not as much of a joke as it is a comedy thing.
    Warning: This is a huge list.
    Spoiler:

    1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

    3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

    4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

    5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

    6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

    7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

    8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

    9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

    10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

    11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

    12. Sniffle incessantly.

    13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

    14. Name your dog "Dog."

    15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

    16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

    17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

    18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

    19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

    20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

    21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

    22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

    23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

    24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

    25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

    26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

    27. Wear a special hip holster for your
    remote control.

    28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

    29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

    30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

    31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

    32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

    33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

    34. Drum on every available surface.

    35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

    36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

    37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

    38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
    into peoples backpacks.

    39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

    40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

    41. Set alarms for random times.

    42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

    43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

    44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

    45. Honk and wave to strangers.

    46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

    47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

    48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

    49. Wear your pants backwards.

    50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

    51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

    52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. (I gave myself permission to use this in the list.)

    53. only type in lowercase.

    54. dont use any punctuation either

    55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

    56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

    57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

    58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

    59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

    60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

    61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

    62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

    63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

    64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

    65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

    66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

    67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

    68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

    69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

    70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

    71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

    72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

    73. Drive half a block.

    74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

    75. Ask people what gender they are.

    76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

    77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

    78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

    79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

    80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

    81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

    82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

    83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

    84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

    85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

    86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

    87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

    88. Sing along at the opera.

    89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

    90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

    91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

    92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

    93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
    about "psychological profiles."

    94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

    95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

    96. Never make eye contact.

    97. Never break eye contact.

    98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

    99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

    100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

    101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.


    Last edited by Artist Smeargle on Tue Aug 23, 2011 5:52 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : BECAUSE I CAN.)


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by harsha on Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:39 pm

    Very nice. I hate it when all the flat pieces get stuck!
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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:25 pm

    Yet another list. This time its, things to think about when you're bored.
    Spoiler:

    * Why is an orange the only fruit named after its color? Or was
    the color named after the fruit?

    * Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

    * Do they have reserved parking for regular people at the
    Special Olympics?

    * Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

    * Is a computer virus covered by Medicare?

    * How do you know when a Smurf suffocates?

    * If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the
    words?

    * In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the
    same?

    * Where do swear words come from?

    * Why do people use the word "irregardless"?

    * Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

    * Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?

    * How does skating on thin ice get you into hot water?

    * Why do they have signs at Burger King that say, "Picture menus
    available for those who need them"? If you can't read, how can
    you ask for a picture menu?

    * If a case of the clap spreads is it called applause?

    * Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

    * Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?

    * Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

    * Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?

    * Why is it called "after dark", when it is really after light?

    * Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become
    the expected?

    * If FedEx and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUp?

    * Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

    * Why do they report power outages on TV? I mean, duh!

    * If a light-sleeper sleeps with a light on, what does a
    hard-sleeper sleep with?

    * Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a
    suitcase?

    * Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

    * Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?


    Last edited by Artist Smeargle on Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:21 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Space Jail.)


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:48 pm

    Another joke, this time, a bunch few.
    [NOTE: Some may be offensive]

    Spoiler:
    A first grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of "Guess the
    Animal." The first picture the teacher held up was a cat. "Okay, boys
    and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?"

    "I know, I know, it's a cat!" yelled a little boy.

    "Very good, Eddie. Now, who knows what this animal is called?"

    "That's a dog!" piped up the same little boy.

    "Right, again. And what about this animal?" she asked, holding up a
    picture of a deer.

    Silence fell over the class. After a minute or two, the teacher said,
    "I'll give you a hint, children.....it's something your mother calls your
    father."

    "I know, I know," screamed Eddie. "It's a h*rny b*stard!"
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Books you'll likely never see!

    "Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"

    "You Are Different and That's Bad"

    "Dad's New Wife Timothy"

    "Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"

    "Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets"

    "The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"

    "Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

    "Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

    "The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

    "Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"

    "The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

    "Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

    "The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"

    "How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"

    "Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear"
    --------------------------------------------------------
    Once upon a time there were three kids. One called Poo, one
    called Manners and another called Get Lost.
    Poo fell over and hurt himself badly, Manners told Get Lost to go get help.
    Get Lost found a police man. The police man asked his name, in
    reply he said "Get Lost", so the police man said "where are your
    manners?".
    Get Lost said "He's over there picking up Poo."
    -------------------------------------------------------

    Remember, don't say I didn't warn you when I said it MAY offend you.


    Last edited by Rick on Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:54 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Hello.)


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by ilikecookies on Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:53 pm

    i got a joke a very fat quagsire fell of mount abomasnowed and fell 1000000m unto the ground he wakes up in hospital astonished that he is still alive he asks nurse joy why he aint dead, she angrily replies you survived but 20 people diddnt XD
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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:54 pm

    What we have learned from cartoons:


    1. You will only fall off the cliff, building, ect... if you
    look down and notice that there is no longer anything but air
    beneath your feet.

    2. When you get whacked on the head you can see little blue
    birdies or if your really lucky, stars!

    3. If a safe falls on your head, don't worry you can just open
    the door to that safe and walk out.

    4. There is only one company : Acme.

    5. Dynamite will ALWAYS be bright red and labeled.

    6. If you need to get to the other side of a wall you can just
    paint a door and then walk through it.

    7. If someone has already done the above, BEWARE, it will not
    work for you! Can you say pain?

    8. You will always know when someone gets an idea by watching
    for the light bulb that will appear over their head if this
    occurs. Note if the person is stupid a candle will replace the
    light bulb.

    9. You are immortal. No matter how many times a piano, safe,
    anvil ect... has dropped on your head you will stagger away
    unharmed. The same goes for falling from high places.

    10. The rabbit, roadrunner ect... will ALWAYS win.


    Last edited by Harsha on Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:57 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Spelling fixes.)


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:27 pm

    Yet another few jokes.
    [Note: Again, some may be offended by some of these.]

    Spoiler:
    A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked "Give it
    to me straight. How long have I got?" The physician replied that he doubted that
    his patient would survive the night. The man then said "Call for my lawyer."
    When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his physician to stand on one side
    of the bed, while the lawyer stood on the other. The man then laid back and
    closed his eyes. When he remained silent for several minutes, the physician
    asked what he had in mind.
    The man replied "Jesus died with a thief on either side, and I thought I'd
    check out the same way."

    ---

    List of fun things to do at the drive through:


    1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order,
    using colorful expletives in ways which would
    embarrass the patrons inside.

    2. Drive through backwards.

    3. Belch your order.

    4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with
    transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers
    are unable to hear each other and, thus,
    each raises his/her volume.

    5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.

    6. Walk through.

    7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to).
    When the manager comes to the mic,
    speak English and inquire as to why
    the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.

    8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.

    9. Attempt to take the order-takers order
    ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get
    a chance to take yours.

    10. Order confusing items, i.e.,
    "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and
    a small medium fries, please".

    11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order,
    then slip out of line and watch the fun as
    the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.

    12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food,
    hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll
    dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.

    13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.

    14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker
    will think there is a problem with the speaker
    and ask you to order at the window.
    When you arrive at the window,
    speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.

    15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.

    16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone.
    When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at
    their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone
    speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their
    own voice.

    17. One word: Flatulence!

    18. Have a friend hide in the trunk.
    When you approach the window to pickup your order,
    have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.

    19. If you are a male,
    have a female friend place the order by speaking
    VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker.
    When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept
    your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow
    employees have been called over to the window to
    "check out the babe".

    20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.


    Last edited by Rick on Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:53 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Took out some very offensive material; sorry!)


    __________________

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    Credit to Mr. Sufat for this absolutely SMASHING avatar.
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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Fri Sep 02, 2011 3:53 pm

    [Warning: Huge]
    Le Funny Omegle Chat:

    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    Stranger: Hey

    You: *Ahem*
    Preparing song. 99% loaded.

    Stranger: ?

    You: This was a triumph.
    I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS
    It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.

    Stranger: lol

    You: Aperture Science:
    We do what we must because we can
    For the good of all of us
    except for the ones who are dead

    Stranger: You are such a troll

    You: ?

    You: I was just loading my song.

    Stranger: Smile

    You: What did you expect? Cake?

    Stranger: Yea

    You: Well.

    You: I lied.

    You: There is no cake.

    Stranger: Oh Darn

    You: Now...

    You: Lets bake (really fast) you into (Normal speed) a cake.

    Stranger: Go ahead

    You: My secret weapon will be unleashed in...

    You: 3...

    You: 2...

    You: 1...

    You: *a sphere falls off*

    You: Wait. That wasn't supposed to happen.

    Stranger: ...

    Stranger: okay

    Stranger: try again

    You: Go put that sphere back on me.

    Stranger: where's it fall out from?

    You: Right there. That little dent area right there.

    Stranger: ok I put it back not what

    Stranger: now what

    You: 3...

    You: 2...

    You: 1...

    You: *KABOOM!*

    You have disconnected.

    Le spammer.
    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    Stranger: Feeling h*rny on Omegle? Then check out "w w w . H * r n y O m e g l e . c o m"

    You: get a life

    You: *hands you a 1Up*

    You: Now grow up.

    You: *hands you a red mushroom*

    You: Now go kill yourself.

    You: *hands you a goomba*

    You have disconnected.

    Me being a jerk...
    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    Stranger: helo

    Stranger: l

    You: Hello.*

    Stranger: yes i added another l there

    You: No. You just said "l" after "helo".

    You: So its as if you said "helol".

    Stranger: I figured youd kinow where to put it

    You: you'd*

    You: know*

    You: .*

    Stranger: oh we have a grammar nazi

    Stranger: here

    You: Oh*

    You: .*

    You: Here.*

    Stranger: well sorry to tarnish you beloved english language you douchebag

    You: Well*

    You: .*

    You: Learn to spell before learning to internet.

    You have disconnected.

    Spammer = PWNT
    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    Stranger: Feeling h*rny on Omegle? Then check out "w w w . H * r n y O m e g l e . c o m"

    You: GO GET A REAL LIFE.

    You: YA BLOODY SPAMMER.

    You: You can just get out of your mom's basement and get a JOB!

    Your conversational partner has disconnected.

    Unexpected Outcome of Jerk VS. Jerk (Heavily censored)

    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    You: YOU HAVE MAIL.

    Stranger: (Censored. Its ascii art of a p***s and v****a.)

    Stranger: so do u

    You: Cool face you got bro.

    Stranger: it's ur moms

    You: No, its yours.

    Stranger: nope

    You: Ok. Fine.

    You: Its your dad's.

    Stranger: he's dead

    You: Exactly.

    Stranger: b*tch

    You: You started it. (Trollface)

    Stranger: HOW DID U KNOW!

    You: You were the one who posted that Ascii art of your dad's face?

    Stranger: *GASP*

    Your conversational partner has disconnected.

    Youtube Poop; that's where the perverts are! (Tune plays)
    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    Stranger: horny f?

    You: Dear PESKY PLUMBERS...

    You: The koopalings and I are sick of you perverts!

    Your conversational partner has disconnected.

    Now it the Pervert's turn to be PWNT.
    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    Stranger: hi Smile...22 m USA horny...u??

    You: If you're looking for a woman...

    You: GET OFF THE INTERNET AND FIND ONE.

    You have disconnected.
    I am the Tourettes Guy. Then. JERSEY SHORE.
    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    You: PIIIIIIIISSSSSS!

    You: - Tourettes Guy

    Stranger: RAHHNNN STAAAPP

    You: OH BOB SAGET.

    Stranger: STAP IT RAHN UR LYKE TRAMATIZING ME

    You: Who the #$@% is Rahn?

    Stranger: RAHN FROM JERSEY SHORE

    Stranger: RAHNNNNN STAAPPPPP

    You: PISS OFF JERSEY SHORE FAN.

    You have disconnected.

    Tubas. How do they affect people?
    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    Stranger: I'm bicurious let me suck your d**k

    You: WHO'S THE F****T WITH THE TUBA.

    Your conversational partner has disconnected.

    I liek singign
    Spoiler:
    You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

    Stranger: hey homo wassup

    You: SINGIGN

    You: LA LA LA

    You: I LIEK SINGIGN

    Stranger: do what song?

    You: LA LOO LA LA LA

    Stranger: stop singing learn to type

    You: kk

    You: HAI

    You: La la la la.

    You: I liek singign.

    Stranger: boring

    You: NOU

    You: LA LA LA

    You: LA LA

    Stranger: bye love no homo

    You: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

    You: call me

    You: heavyblu

    Stranger: k

    You: LA

    Stranger: b*tch giv me ur digits

    You: LA LA LA A

    You: I like singign moar...

    You: LA

    You: DIGETS LA LA LA DIGETS LA LA LA

    You: I liek sigign

    Stranger: bye

    You: HOW BOUT U

    Your conversational partner has disconnected.

    Insted of seperate posts, my Omegle chats will be posted here with EDITING!


    Last edited by Artist Smeargle on Tue Sep 13, 2011 11:06 pm; edited 9 times in total (Reason for editing : Error 404)


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by harsha on Fri Sep 02, 2011 4:52 pm

    LOL!
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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Fri Sep 02, 2011 5:38 pm

    Yet another list.

    Spoiler:
    1012 things to do at Wal-Mart.

    1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

    2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

    3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

    4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

    5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

    6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

    7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

    8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

    9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

    10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.

    11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10″.

    12. Play with the automatic doors.

    13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

    14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?”

    15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

    16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”

    17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

    18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

    19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

    20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

    21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

    22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

    23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.

    24. Ask other customers if they have "Pany Poupons".

    25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!”

    26. TP as much of the store as possible.

    27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

    28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.

    29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

    30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”

    31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

    32. Take bets on the battle described above.

    33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

    34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”

    *Females only*
    35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him ” I need some tampons!!”

    36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
    *End of Female time*

    37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

    38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

    39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

    40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”

    41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

    42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”

    43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

    44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.

    45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms

    46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

    47. Relax in the patio furniture and open the patio umbrella until you get kicked out.

    48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”

    49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

    50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

    51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible “sex and candy”

    52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

    53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

    54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

    55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”

    56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

    57. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

    58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

    59. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room.

    60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone’s jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

    61. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look with various funnels.

    62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “the fat man walks alone,” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them

    *Female time*
    63. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Ex: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling.” Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
    *Female time over.*

    64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

    65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good Bessie.”

    66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

    67. Ask other customers if they have a rubber hose to stick up your nose.

    *Female Time*
    68. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).” When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. “hi!!!! (giggle) What’s your sign?(giggle).”
    *End of Female time*

    69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don’t realize it!

    70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by. Lean in and sniff them then jump back and wave your hand in front of your nose and saying “Oh god, your over powering the perfume!!”

    71. Hit on the elderly.

    72. Hit on 5 year olds.

    73. In the food aisle, pretend like there’s a little bug, slowly move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like crazy. Then finally yell out “Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was the biggest Cockroach I’ve ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!! Hey look, there’s another one!!!” Then Repeat.

    74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.

    75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.

    76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like “Cheerio, good man.” to people who walk by. And don’t forget to have perfect posture.

    77. Start grunting like Beavis and Butthead while chasing your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don’t know you.

    78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if your on a hoarse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc.. And If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.

    79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and “accidentally” hit the people instead of your friend.

    80. Excesively use anything thing that says “Try Me”.

    81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

    82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

    82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say “Hello, how may I help you?” say “Yes, I’ll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke.” And when they start to talk, say “Oh, to go”. Then when they say that they can’t give it to you say “Oh, This is because I’m gay isn’t it? I’d expect this from Caldors, but not Walmart. People who are gay are just like everyone else your know. You disgust me” Then walk away mumbling to yourself. If your a guy, try to act as valley-girl-like as you can

    83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.

    84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your “multiple personalities”. Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should sound like this: “Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly good time.(English)” “Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)” Etc.

    85. Start “dancing” like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.

    86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

    87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn’t go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who’s watching and run away as fast as your can.

    88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.

    89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department

    90. Put lingerie in the men’s department.

    91. Put super sexy lingerie in old men’s carts when they turn around.

    92. When your alone, start screaming help and yelling that someone istrying to rape you. Then when everyone runs over, start crying and saying “All I ever wanted was a little attention” Then run away crying.

    93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don’t look away, just stay mesmerized.

    94. Walk up to a lady and calmly say “Help me. The voices in my head are telling me to do naughty things.” Then clap your hands over your ears, fly yell head around and start screaming “NO!!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THE NICE LADY NO NO NO NO!!!!” Then suddenly stop, look her straight in the eyes, and Calmly say “I…will start…a fire…” The pull out a zippo and start laughing hysterically in an evil way. But don’t light the zippo, just hold it closed.

    95. Light a match under a spinkler.

    96. Walk up to someone and say “Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while i go get my shot gun”. Then walk away.

    97. Walk up to a guy and say “Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven’t seen you in so long!!!!” Then kiss him. Then slap and him say “Why didn’t you ever call me??” Then walk away. Much more affective if you’re a guy.

    98. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. “Finally, my shift is done. I really don’t get paid enough to do this”

    99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

    100. Act like your about to cry and ask people “Have you seen my mommy?”

    101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.

    BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.

    I do not take credit for these. I edited a FEW but take no credit for it. Some jokes I don't get due to me being a boy so I just put "female time" or "female only" above them. And for ONE of them, you could say "I knew there was another man!" and so on.
    Note: I may have missed a few "Female Time"s.


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:56 pm

    Top 10 Dumb Guy Complaints About "The Lord of the Rings"

    Spoiler:

    10. "I expected something, you know, more Hobbity"

    9. "'Middle Earth' scenes clearly shot on regular Earth"

    8. "It was really long and not a cartoon"

    7. "It made me drop my popcorn. I want a refund."

    6. "My name is Stu -- how come there aren't any Hobbits named Stu?"

    5. "Where the h*ll is Chewbacca?"

    4. "If they're going to have magic, why not bring back the rapping kangaroo?"

    3. "Couldn't focus on movie -- kept thinking about how I blew all my money on the Giants"

    2. "I kept trying to talk to Frodo, but he ignored me like he's 'all that'"

    1. "I haven't seen it yet -- I'm too busy governing California"


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Trinitrotoluene on Mon Sep 05, 2011 1:20 am



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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by harsha on Tue Sep 06, 2011 10:26 pm

    Lol. Did you make that, Rick?
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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Tue Sep 06, 2011 10:29 pm

    I don't mean to barge in, but he most likely did not seeing at the bottom of that, "RAGEBUILDER.com". No matter, if he did not make it, it does not matter seeing as there are no rules against it here, and the site it was found at is at the bottom.

    EDIT: Yes, you can make comics there. Seeing as I've posted a few...
    But we still have yet to find out if he actually made it.


    Last edited by Artist Smeargle on Wed Sep 07, 2011 7:20 pm; edited 2 times in total


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by harsha on Tue Sep 06, 2011 10:30 pm

    I thought you could make Ragecomics there.
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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Wed Sep 07, 2011 12:14 am

    RAGE COMICS.
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5176151296
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5176194048
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5178183424
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5178730752

    BREAKING NEWS.
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5178296064

    I WISH...
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5178327296

    COMIXED.
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5178379264

    Cat Category.
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5185263104
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5185394944
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5186021888

    Doggy Category.
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5185278976
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5185360384
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5185963776

    Silly Human!
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5185896960
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5185907968
    http://cheezburger.com/View/5185994496

    Posted in links due to the fact it could become overcrowded.

    Yes, I made these.

    Also, tell me which one is your favorite!


    Last edited by Artist Smeargle on Fri Sep 09, 2011 7:10 pm; edited 8 times in total


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Trinitrotoluene on Wed Sep 07, 2011 10:19 pm

    No. I did not make that comic. I pulled it from the featured rage comics section.


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by harsha on Wed Sep 07, 2011 10:33 pm

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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Fri Sep 09, 2011 2:47 pm

    [You may use teh language liek taht if you post a chezburgar pic adn iz still readabel in sum furm]
    In this box... IS LULZ-- No, not THOSE lulz... Teh LOLZ.

    Spoiler:
    Here's a good one.




    NOTE: Unless they are withen the post I made earlier, I did not make whatever these pictures are.

    EDIT: Shortly after this post was made, I found this:



    EDITED EDIT: After this, I'ma put it in a spoiler.



    SPUILAR ALARTZ



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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Trinitrotoluene on Sun Sep 11, 2011 10:21 pm

    Artist Smeargle wrote:
    Spoiler:
    Here's a good one.




    NOTE: Unless they are withen the post I made earlier, I did not make whatever these pictures are.

    EDIT: Shortly after this post was made, I found this:



    EDITED EDIT: After this, I'ma put it in a spoiler.



    SPUILAR ALARTZ


    Clever.


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Fri Sep 16, 2011 2:35 pm

    I found this:
    http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/50-popular-women-web-google-search-results/story?id=10573331

    The link title doesn't seem humorous, but look at #7.


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Artist Smeargle on Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:28 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2gd0cxx8zM&feature=related

    I don't know why, but I have a feeling this could become a PokeMeme.

    "Cilan Screaming Like a Girl"


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

    Post by Trinitrotoluene on Fri Sep 23, 2011 7:44 pm

    Massive Image:


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    Re: Smeargle's Comedy Corner

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